Word to the people

I have just started online Danish lessons, love makes a bloke do crazy things! I signed up with a well known school in Aarhus so that I can listen in on my girlfriend’s phone conversations and order a beer without being laughed at! In 2010 I all but mastered Spanish (well, travel Spanish) after spending 10 months traveling in chicken and cholita infested busses throughout South America.


That people have to make such an effort just to communicate got me thinking, “Why don’t we make one universal language?”


English is already the standard default language worldwide, however, I have found that certain languages work better in certain situations. Why not pick the best language for each situation and make a fruit salad language, cherry pick the best.




No country is more dedicated to the art of the insult than Italy. Their curses are so beautifully constructed that after 4 years working in an Italian restaurant I thought that chef Franko was on my team whenever I messed up. In a paternal voice Franko, a pockmarked monster of a man, would say; “Never mind…Testa de cazzo” Years later I found out I was being called ‘dickhead’ ‘small penis boy‘ or ‘shit-head‘ depending on the context. Also unlike many English speakers, Italians work a whole sentence into an insult, read these few gems aloud…don’t forget to roll your R’s:


‘Il mortacci tua, porco demonio’

‘Torna qui, maldetto cavallo’


Sounds nice rolling off the tongue hey. You have just said; “Go fuck your dead relatives, spawn of the devil” and “Come here, damned horse”. They adorn their mark with beautifully eloquent insults. Italy also has a word which means “Please go and anally abuse yourself”…one word! “Vaffanculo” Italy is the insult language.




I have numerous German friends, they are wonderful people, but lets face it, there is nothing cute or whimsical about their language. I once asked a German friend what she was fighting with her mate about, to which she replied; “No I was just asking him to buy milk”. With all the tongue snapping ‘ach’s’ and ‘eeck’s’ German is definitely the arguing language. Even when you are being polite, in German it sounds argumentative;


“Ich stimme vollig mit ihnen… Sie sind ein netter mensch… Ich liebe dich”




“I totally agree with you…You are a nice person…I love you”

When friendly sentences sound so harsh this is the language for arguing, no argument!




French is definitely the language of nonchalance, not love. The streets of Paris are dripping with Parisians lounging in cafe chairs, wearing designer clothes and not caring…about anything.


A famous French person when asked of his failed marriage was quoted to say; “nous etions ensemble, j’ai oublie’ e reste” or “We were together, I have forgotten the rest” Already many English speakers use the French “se la vie“ I think we should pick up a few more nonchalances from this beautiful language, or, you know, whatever…se la vie.


Making Love


My vote goes to Spanish for love making words. Just the way one has to roll the R’s and purse the lips sends my mind straight to the gutter. Flower and rose sentences drip with sexy. Try reading this out…


“cada palabra que viene de que es mu’sica para mi alma”

“Every word coming from you is music for my soul”


Even rude sentences sound evocatively beautiful when read in Spanish; “Inclinado sobre una mesa, vestido por encima de su cuello”

“Bent over the table, dress above your head…”




I would vote to use Swedish. Not because of any particular nuance in the language but purely because of the way that Swedish chef off the muppets sounds. Imagine, if you would, that everyone in the world had to speak like him in the kitchen, how much fun would dinner time become?


Well, that’s it, my thoughts on one united world language. We should maybe throw in a few choice words from other languages to define really specific situations such as:


‘Tartle’ Scottish for hesitating while introducing someone because you’ve forgotten their name.

‘Prozvonit’ Czech for calling a mobile phone and letting it ring once so that the other person will call back, saving you money.

 Ya’aburnee Arabic for “You bury me,” a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person because of how difficult it would be to live without them.

Jayus Indonesian for a joke so poorly told and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh.

I tell you what though, when we get around to describing snow we will be spoilt for choice amongst hundreds of European Sami words (not Inuit as per popular belief).

There you have my meandering thoughts on language. If you disagree with me then I would have to say “Nur einen Versuch geben Sie bitte nette Leute“ Should you still disagree, then “‘Il mortacci tua, porco demonio!”

Se la vie…I’m off to make a midnight snack…de-borsch, de-borsch, id pudda chikken in da pot…

2 Responses to Word to the people

  • Good day! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this page to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!

  • Ben says:

    My pleasure, I am glad you enjoyed the read!

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